Chiaroscuro

The treatment of light and shade in a drawing or painting 

I always thought it would be funny to call myself the Homemade artist like one of the many self-taught artists out there. Also, because everything I am already promoting is homemade. This is how I learned all I know how to do concerning all the art forms I am able to do.  

The first and most important thing in doing anything is wanting to do it, and enjoying to do it. Overall, it just means your interest. There's no I want to make this and that, but not really seeing yourself enjoying the process. Art is not exactly fun all the time. It is also definitely not about the extensive collection of art supplies. Similar to any other hobby, it definitely costs money. It also needs dedication and patience. It is not a world of painting rainbows, but of making heard the tiniest whispers. 

All the art I ever created for the fun of it, I eventually gave up. Sooner or later, some of the art I made felt pointless. Specifically, it wasn't special anymore. I wasn't exactly very open wit my art, because my dad's opinion was all that mattered much. I stared to share but hardly anyone seemed interested. 

Calligraphy, watercolor, and art journals used to be things known to those who grew with art. I was good at all thee, but it didn't feel like it mattered. A lot of people were doing it, whether they were actually good or not. The latter wan't the problem. It was the loss of artistry to social trends. I didn't stop learning these skills, but I didn't both to practice much either. Skills reserved only for when I needed them. I'm one of may in these skills, so I always thought that who would even care? A lot of skills went the same way: drawing, animation, DIY, origami, miniature modeling, etc.

I also paint. It's one of my strong suits these days, specifically acrylic and oil. Not long, even that didn't feel like it mattered. I'm just a homemade artist with no art lessons, no involvement background, and works that not everyone would believe I actually made. I'm no one. I had given up on painting so easily. There's no joining activities, contests, art groups, and every time someone brought those up, I felt even more of a nobody. Worst of all, no one really knows this.

My dad taught me a good percentage of the skills I know and I worked the rest out all on my own. He taught me how to draw, do calligraphy, use color pencil, pastels, charcoal, paint, and helped me make models. Those were the skills I was always proud of. My father died last year and it all ended up to feel more meaningless. I don't talk about these things, but I write them down; it's something I started and developed on my own. There are only two people who know how I feel about art these days —me and my One Note. 

I started with oil painting the year preceding his death. That might have been one of the best summers, just considering the painting practice. The acrylics my mom got me and the oil my dad bought as a gift when I made honors again, my own easel, my first personal canvas, my first mix media, my first oil painting. It sounds tragic, but I got drastically better without practice when I started painting again about three quarters of a year after his death. Losing myself in the flow of work was the only way to forget how painful everything was. Still, even if I felt I had given up, I never really did.

Today, the only facts that keeps me alive enough to paint is that I'm the only one I know among us who paints with oil. Somehow it makes me feel special. I might not have my father to criticize my work anymore, but sometimes I try to imagine him looking at my work if I just leave lying on the table. Also, I know it's bad that I draw feeling important from the facts that I don't personally know anyone else who paints with oil and that it makes me feel special. It's a terrible thing, but with my support gone, it's all I've got left in me to still care about painting.

I share my work online, and honestly check how many reacts I get. Yes, there's nothing special about how I do my work, and yes, I think I am naturally gifted with art skills. Even if I say that it doesn't matter . . . It actually matters a whole damn lot. I have never been more insecure about anything other than art. From painting, the hardest thing to do is the chiaroscuro. Be careful or you might put too much of your own shadows in what you paint.